Yesterday was one of those days where I felt like I failed at my job as a mom.
After the kids went to bed, I sat with my husband, recounting the day, tears streaming down my face.
I told him how I was still feeling just as helpless, ill-equipped, emotionally raw, and disrespected as I had earlier in the day.
How I felt like I had FAILED.
And, worse, how I had no idea what I could have done differently.
I told my husband how my son had ended up in his room, completely out-of-control, caught in the throes of an EPIC temper tantrum.
And how that tantrum had left both him and ME in tears.
I recalled how the whole day leading up to that moment had been emotionally charged, and filled with out-of-character defiance from my son.
How at 9 am I was already searching mom-blogs for advice on how to discipline (I should note, I found one worthy of reading here). And the day went on from there.
To say I was frustrated is an understatement.
Knowing my husband was in a meeting, I had called my mom in desperation for advice. She must have heard the defeat in my voice, because my parents were at my doorstep in 10 minutes.
It is the first time I have ever called for backup.
At first, I felt sheepish. Like I should be able to handle it.
But as they arrived, the tension diffused.
Relief washed away any embarrassment.
Plus, I HAD no big ideas on how to proceed. I felt like if I went to speak with my son, who had since quieted down, he would again spiral out of control.
My dad went and had a grandpa-grandson talk.
A while later my son emerged. Calm. Apologetic. Tear-free.
My sweet parents stayed until my husband got home, and then my son and daddy had a talk.
I was grateful for all of the help and the rest of the evening was uneventful.
But I felt defeated.
Sure, my son’s behavior was unimpressive, but what became EVIDENT was my lack of skills to handle it.
Kids have temper tantrums; it’s a fact of life.
Especially kids who have gotten ear tubes, a nasty cold and a cough, and started fall activities and preschool, ALL in the last 2 weeks.
My son is rightly exhausted, and in the process of learning to cope with the increase in stimulation and activities.
I get it.
He. Just. Lost it.
My husband encouraged me and we set a plan in case something like that happened again.
I went to bed with an empty feeling. Disappointed in myself.
When I woke this morning my daughter was yelling.
I went in and she was jumping up and down, cracking up, excited to see me.
My son was found reading quietly in his bed. He, too, was excited to see me, and to share what he was looking at.
He wasn’t thinking about yesterday, or how mommy couldn’t handle the situation.
We came downstairs and I made them breakfast, and sat to spend some time with the Lord.
Still feeling raw, I decided to start in Psalms; in hopes of finding words to begin the day with WORSHIP.
I opened to Psalm 30. A familiar, highlighted verse jumped out at me.
For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Psalm 30:5 (NIV)”
I find it even more beautiful in the King James Version:
For his anger endureth but a moment,
in his favour is life;
weeping may endure for a night,
but joy cometh in the morning.
Psalm 30:5 (KJV)”
I may have found failure yesterday, but my son and my God have not given up on me yet.
How encouraging is that?
While I did pray for help yesterday in the thick of it, it was more of a plea of desperation.
Earlier in the day, when I was searching mom-blogs for parenting wisdom, I should have been consulting the Bible and praying to the One And Only.
The ultimate parent and Father who has watched every temper tantrum in the history of the world (Ugh, aren’t you glad YOU haven’t had to do that?).
It isn’t that other parents (or my parents) can’t give wisdom. They can. I am grateful they do.
It’s just that I was relying on the their wisdom and my strength doesn’t hold up under pressure.
Only the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control given by a relationship with Jesus Christ can prepare us for the unknown.
Mom-blogs are great, but they are no match for Jesus.
— This Grateful Mama (@thisgratefulmam) June 29, 2017
Yesterday reminded me how important it is that I pray daily for His guidance and wisdom for parenting.
That I would rely on HIS strength.
Because as I so clearly demonstrated yesterday, I cannot do this on my own strength or wisdom.
My children have been calm and pleasant today.
Little course correction has been needed, and has gone without objection.
Like yesterday never happened.
Today I give thanks that without fail, JOY comes with the morning, as does another chance.