Just Once More…Choosing Gratitude In Every Stage Of Life

Just Once More

I love being pregnant. Some people think that is weird, and I’m ok with it. I don’t love the nausea, aches and pains, or interrupted sleep, but there is just something incredibly special and sweet that words cannot quite describe.

At first, despite the sickness, I love the knowledge that a little someone is being knit together inside of me. There is simply nothing that compares to the truth that God, Himself, is creating and carefully making a person with their own unique features and personality. A miracle within. It is the knowledge that He chose me to be this child’s mom, my husband to be her dad, and that this baby is the perfect addition to our family.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)

At first, our pregnancy was a secret shared with few. Then we had the privilege of sharing our special, joyful secret. We have lived in hope for months, preparing for the arrival of a little person who has already changed our heart and made us love them more than we ever thought we could.

I don’t love that I’m on round 3 of gestational diabetes. I don’t love the carb counting and finger poking. And I certainly didn’t love the 1 hour and 3 hour glucose tests that I simply cannot pass in any pregnancy. But I am grateful the condition has been managed with diet and exercise. Not using insulin has been a effort of discipline and self control, and has been a very tangible answer to many, many prayers.

The more pregnant I get, the more others ask if I’m ready to be done. They expect that I am. They figure I’m fed up with this this and ready to get the show on the road. My doctor has commented on how the third trimester for many third time moms feels like eternity. And yet…it doesn’t. Not to me.

Here I am in the final weeks of this third pregnancy. I am very emotional and feel like I can’t get a handle on this roller coaster. While I’m excited to meet this little one, I’m not ready to be done either.

This will most likely be our last pregnancy. My husband and I have been in agreement on the number 3 since we started talking about kids. And while it is hard to admit this magical time may be the last time, unless God has other plans, this will probably be our last one.

So during this pregnancy, I’ve been quietly enjoying even the struggles – finding myself grateful for the chance to do this one last time.

This pregnancy has been my most challenging. Blood sugar issues showed up earlier, and were harder to manage. This is my first pregnancy as a stay-at-home mom and I found the days chasing little ones to be harder than sitting in a laboratory or desk during the day.Plus, I’m 6 years older than when I began my first pregnancy, our evening activity schedule is busier, and I have found it harder to juggle everything effectively without getting overwhelmed and emotional.

And yet…

There has been such a sweetness in feeling the baby kick, squirm and hiccup. Day or night. Strangely, this time, even those pummeling bladder kicks haven’t frustrated me as much although they have certainly kept me on my toes.

Keeping the secret about this pregnancy was just as special as the first two times, even though we’d done it before. And this time around because our other kids are old enough to have an opinion about the baby’s gender, we did our first and only gender reveal party with family. It did end with a 5 year old in tears, but he’s coming around. This baby girl will be VERY well loved.

There is a special contentment in just being pregnant. I’m not in a rush to get past it or to just be done. This is the last time I’ll be unable to see my toes because of a baby in the way. The last use of maternity pants and shirts that never seem long enough. And the last time I’ll wonder how my stomach could possibly get any bigger. Knowing this labor and delivery thing is also just once more makes it less scary, less of a hurtle, and the start of a whole new stage that will also be full of last moments.

Once more will we see a baby’s face for the very first time. And just once more will we have that first special moment holding her. Just once more will we carefully pick a name and hope it suits her. And just once more we will hear that first cry.

Just once more we will watch our children meet their sibling. And introduce the baby to great grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. We will see that joy and wonder on their faces as they meet our baby that first time, just once more.

And just once more will we bring a baby home and feel that exhaustion and sleep deprivation that comes with caring for a newborn. And we will feel again the fierce love and joy of this little life that makes it all worthwhile. We will be faced with the realization that we somehow are responsible for now 3 little lives – to love, tickle, discipline, feed, snuggle, raise and introduce to Jesus Christ.

The truth is, this baby is no more special than the first, or second. They are all equally miracles created by God, and entrusted to us. But I do find myself treasuring the moments leading up to those precious firsts because they will also be last. Instead of being swept up in the busy-ness of life, I’ve been fighting to just experience what is happening NOW.

Life is speeding up all around us, with sports, and school wrapping up and staying busy outside because the weather is so nice. And yet…I am ready for it to SLOW down. To take time to treasure the time that is left before the baby is born. To spend quality time as a family of FOUR. To snuggle up and read more books and play harder with the two children that are here now. And to pour love into them because they are just so very precious. And together, as a family, to anticipate the moment when we will joyfully welcome the arrival of this sweet new baby. And become a family of 5.

But time isn’t slowing down. It will not wait for my nostalgia or for me to be ‘ready’ to be done being pregnant for the last time. This baby is coming. And very soon. Only God knows the exact moment and as with the other two babies, I can trust His perfect timing to be exactly what this baby and family needs.

I cannot wait…but will relish these last days or weeks of knowing her by her movements as I wonder what she will be like. Even in those nighttime hours as she does acrobatics and interrupts my sleep.

So today I find myself grateful. Hopeful. Not in a rush, but surrendered to God’s perfect timing.

And I remember that all that is to come in the next busy stage of life is just once more.

Just Once More - Choosing Gratitude In Every Stage Of Life | thisgratefulmama.com

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Big News

Months ago, we made a big deal with our two kids about going out to dinner. Just our family. My husband and I were so excited. We had BIG news to share with them.

A baby.

Their response? Well…it was lackluster at best.

Our 5-year-old son kept looking at the TVs to catch a glimpse of baseball. And the news seemed beyond our 2-year-old daughter’s comprehension. They smiled and moved on to asking for more water and chips.

The highlight of telling the big news wasn’t until 15 minutes later when our food arrived at the table.

Giving us a quizzical look, our son asked the only logical question a 5-year-old could ask under these circumstances.

“So…did you EAT the baby?”

Well…no. God put it there. Our son nodded. We could see his little mind pondering the new information. Then he voiced his confusion and curiosity as he watched me eat.

“But your food goes in your stomach…”

An excellent observation. We told him the baby is in my tummy, but not where the food goes. For lack of a better explanation, we told him the baby is in its very own water-balloon.

Apparently this was a satisfactory response.

He nodded, smiled and said nothing more about the baby. No questions. No excitement or sharing the news with others.

For months.

We continued mentioning and celebrating the baby, but our children continued as if nothing happened.

I guess a new baby wasn’t big news after all.

Two months later, I picked up my son’s artwork from his preschool cubby. And suddenly I was that mom, fighting back joyful tears in the preschool hallway.

Why? Because of this drawing of our little family:

Family Picture | thisgratefulmama.com

What more could a mama want?

After class, he told me all about how his teachers had been surprised and asked him about the little one in the belly. He proudly told them he was going to have a baby brother or sister. AND he had decided he wanted a baby brother.

It may have taken longer than expected, but they finally GET it. Hearing the baby’s heartbeat and the pictures and video from the ultrasound have certainly helped.

We now have one very excited soon-to-be BIG sister and BIGGER brother.

Now we just have to wait until May…

Grateful.

My heart may burst.