After praying for our son to be healed from life-threatening food allergies for 6 years, God answered our prayer in a different way than we hoped. Now what?
Our Prayers
Last Wednesday, our son had an allergic reaction to peanut butter. Peanut butter we gave him, knowing he may have a reaction.
What?
Let’s backup a bit. Our son was diagnosed with a peanut and tree nut allergy shortly after turning one. We quickly became Epi-Pen carrying, label-reading, question-asking protectors of our son.
All along, we went to God in prayer for our son’s protection. Our prayers for healing from all food allergies are said with expectant hope.
Our Hope
Over the past two years, testing showed a steady decrease of peanut blood test numbers.
This year, both blood and skin tests were clearly negative for peanut allergy. We hoped our prayers were answered.
Our allergist recommended an oral food allergy challenge. While we agreed with the recommendation, this decision was not made lightly. Consenting to allow our child, who we have protected from peanuts for 6 years, to EAT peanuts is a scary thing. We also knew our son did not fully understand what a reaction could feel like or how dangerous and scary it could be.
Our Prayer
We requested prayer. One day I’ll share specifics about how so many of those specific prayers were answered.
Then, last week, we went to the hospital and watched our child eat peanut butter for the first time. Between the third and fourth dose of peanut butter, he began to react. The details of the reaction aren’t what I am writing about today.
God’s Answer
Here’s what you need to know: Our son had an allergic reaction to peanuts. He is doing well and has recovered fully. We received great care and have a plan moving forward to keep him safe.
Now, let’s get back to what I do want to talk about today. Our son still has a peanut allergy and this is not the answer we hoped our prayers would receive.
We are disappointed. I’ve had some deeply emotional moments with loved ones and before God this past week. It hurts to fully hope for something and not receive it. We hoped to celebrate his healing.
What Do We Do Next?
The thought that our son will still be carrying this allergy and the possibility of serious injury or death if we make just ONE mistake, hurts. Knowing he sometimes he feels excluded or left out because of what he can and cannot eat, hurts too.
It breaks my mama-heart that I cannot fix this.
What have you been praying for? Hoping for? Are you discouraged over an unanswered prayer? Or maybe one that was answered in a different way than you hoped?
What have you been praying for? Hoping for? Are you discouraged over an unanswered prayer? Or maybe one that was answered in a different way than you hoped? #thisgratefulmama #prayer #nowwhat Click To Tweet
When our prayers are answered in a different way than we asked and we’re feeling broken – what do we do next?
Grieve
When you’ve prayed for a long time (for us, 6 years) it is OK to grieve when the answer isn’t what you asked for. If you’ve prayed that long, of course it is something that is dear to your heart and likely for a loved one. For us, we love our son and want him to be free from this burden.
One way to express grief in times like this is to lament. In Psalms, God has given us many examples of lament. It is OK to tell Him what we feel – He already knows our thoughts and won’t turn us away.
I’ve spent time in prayer, pouring my heart out to God; the disappointment and sadness, and the fear of watching our son’s reaction.
It feels strange. But pretending I don’t feel these things makes my prayers fake and prevents me from feeling His comfort and peace. There is peace in letting those emotions out. Emotions give insight into our hearts. As we give them to God, He gives us a bigger perspective of our situation.
Grieving is important. Don’t stuff it.
God calls us to come to Him and He promises comfort. Bring your burden and grief to Him. He’s waiting.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30
Claiming God’s Promises
Lament isn’t just telling God how we feel – it also involves reminding ourselves of who God says He is in His Word, and what He promises to do. As we claim His promises, we acknowledge His character and sovereignty, and surrender to His will.
By being honest about my emotions with God, He began to show me a new perspective of our situation based on His promises – not the way I feel.
This isn’t the answer we hoped for – but we aren’t without hope.
On the surface, it appears God said NO to our prayer to heal our son. But that is not an accurate answer.
What God did say is ‘Not yet.’
God’s Grace is Enough
The Bible is clear that God is ABLE to heal. There are many accounts of Jesus healing people throughout the gospels. But even Paul, who was a profoundly effective, faithful servant of God, had a ‘thorn in his flesh’ (2 Cor 12:7) that God did not heal during Paul’s life on earth.
God responded to Paul’s prayer for healing with a promise:
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
Although God is ABLE, He does not heal everything we ask Him to. His thoughts are not our thoughts, and His ways are not our ways (Is. 55:8-9). God does promise that in every weakness, His grace is enough. And He promises the power of Christ in those weaknesses.
God Offers Comfort
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort.
2 Corinthians 1:3
He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.
Isaiah 53:3
God doesn’t leave us to struggle on our own – He promises comfort and His presence. When our prayer feels unanswered, or we can’t make sense of the answer, Jesus is the God of all comfort. Knowing He has known sorrow, betrayal and loss makes Him more approachable.
Suffering Has Purpose and Hope Is Not Put To Shame
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5
God promises that our suffering, whatever it may be, will not be in vain. Furthermore, He will use it to make us more like Him, giving us hope while pouring out His love upon us.
I do not know if our son will be healed of food allergies while on earth. Romans 5 reminded me that continuing to pray and hope will not be put to shame – because God IS ABLE. I will not stop asking God to heal our son just because God hasn’t done it yet.
God Is Working
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Romans 5:8
God promises that He will work in all situations for our good and for God’s glory. We have already seen God’s faithfulness in this area – good has already come from these allergies, even though our prayer for healing has not been granted.
The Promise of Heaven
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
Revelation 21:4
Finally, God promises that ALL will be healed in heaven. I trust God with our son’s heart and have full confidence our son will see heaven. I also have full confidence that our son WILL be healed of all food allergies in heaven.
This morning I woke up needing to hear all of these things, even though God has been showing them to me all week. I needed to be reminded of His love and to have my soul lifted up.
Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
Psalm 143:8
Can I let you in on a secret? This post isn’t actually for all of you. It’s for me. Sometimes we need to be reminded of truths God shows us and to speak them into our own lives. God is who He says He is. His promises are still true, even when He does not answer my prayers in the way I want Him to, when I want Him to.
Which of these promises do YOU need to claim in your current circumstances?
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You were present when this happened to me. Prior to my marriage to Ron Errickson, I prayed for his healing. He wasn’t a well man when we married. I felt God say He would heal him after we were married. We had been married for two weeks and I asked God, when will you heal Ron? 4 days later we were in the car accident. He was in a comma for 12 days, then died. I couldn’t be angry with God for his death. Ron was healed but not in the way I wanted.
Oh Jo Ann, I remember this so clearly and you actually came to mind as I wrote this. I am grateful that in our case, our son’s lack of healing doesn’t mean he’s heading to heaven now. It was hard to write this without considering prayers for healing that aren’t answered in this life and those who are lost and those who love them who remain here. You handled Ron’s death with grace and your faith was evident – as was God’s tender care and comfort of you. I believe with you that Ron is fully healed, in heaven, and you will see Him there in God’s timing.
What a beautiful post! I’m so sorry about your son’s allergy. You’re showing a lot of grace, courage, and wisdom with this response.
Thank you – writing about it helps me process it and brings a different level of peace. Appreciate you stopping by and all your encouragement and support.
whether it’s a prayer that didn’t happen our way, lost dreams or hopes, or the lost of something more tangible, I think it’s really important for us to give ourselves permission to grieve. That’s not a popular notion these days, but when we grieve it allows us to realize that what we lost was important and valuable. Pretending otherwise is, like you said, fake and does more damage than good. important that we also allow others around us to do the same. Often we’re uncomfortable with people who hurt so unintentionally tell them not to be sad and therefore invalidate their feelings and the worth of their loss. thanks for your thoughts!
I agree with all of this, especially how we need to allow OTHERS to do this, not just ourselves. Allowing others to feel and grieve is one of the most valuable gifts of compassion and empathy we can give. Just listen, and point them towards hope. Thanks for stopping by and for your insights.
I love this! Thank you for the reminder. I love what you said about it being okay to grieve and to lament unanswered prayer. Thanks for sharing this.
I think grieving was something I had to learn to do – I always felt guilty for feeling disappointed when God chose a different answer, but the emotions are real, and need to be dealt with. Who better to help with those emotions than God, who KNOWS them already? What a gracious, compassionate God we serve! Thank you for stopping by and for your thoughts!
This made me so teary for you. It is so so hard to continue to trust when things don’t go how we hope. Especially when it involves our children! I know you’ve seen, but the lesson of Abraham has been on repeat for me lately and I know that God is working in my heart to trust Him even when I don’t see results, or at least the results I hope for. Continuing to pray for you and your sweet boy!
Thank you for the reminder of Abraham – what a great example of trusting God and not seeing the outcome, like so many in scripture. I have so appreciated your thoughts and posts on this! Thank you for your encouragement and prayers!
Amen, Great Post!!!
As a momma with littles who have multiple food sensitivities I can understand your disappointment. Thanks for giving the situation a new perspective, because it was very helpful for me.
I’m a grateful mom for stopping by here – visiting you from By His Grace. My heart can relate to every word of this! Our daughter has a tree nut allergy. She had mild peanut, egg and wheat allergies too, but did outgrow those by about 5 years old. The tree nut allergy is severe and she is at risk for anaphylaxis. I can relate so much to your stages of grief, and I’m so glad you wrote that it’s not only OKAY to grieve, but it’s very godly and healthy. And you’re also right that God may not answer our prayers the way we’d hoped, but He promises that our trials will not be in vain. Just like you wrote in your other blog post, our children are learning to be responsible and aware of things other children don’t have to worry about. They are going to be strong because of that! And as for us, we are going to be stronger too – as we lean on God and press forward for our children. xoxoxo
How wonderful that your daughter outgrew most of her allergies! Praise God! I can’t imagine trying to manage egg and wheat on top of nuts!
I appreciate your thoughts – it is a gift to know others are walking through these things too. AND it is a comfort that other moms struggle and feel the need to grieve too.
YES! Our son is stronger, but you are right – my husband and I are too. This challenge requires me to daily recognize that our God is sovereign and trustworthy. Thank you for pointing out it isn’t just growing our son – it is growing US too!
Thank you for stopping by and sharing here today.
The scriptures you used are such wonderful reminders of God’s faithfulness. I always say that when God says “no” to something, He saying “yes” to something else. Thanks for sharing your heart!
I love that statement – and I think you are right. Thank you for sharing here today!
Grateful Mama, thank you for giving God praise, even in the hard. Our family lived with terrible, multiple allergies for many years, and like you, I prayed for healing. What I thought was a “No,” was really a “Not yet.” And when He finally said, “Yes, now…” God’s yes was bigger than anything I could have imagined. So I actually wrote a post with you in mind, sharing how God provided for our healing. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me. *Hug* from one mama to another. http://growinggraceful.com/2017/11/30/how-my-family-got-rid-of-allergies-and-you-can-too
Thank you for this reminder. I daily struggle with fibromyalgia and daily pray for healing. These were healing and encouraging words for me.
You are welcome. A loved one in my life struggles with fibromyalgia too. Lifting you up in prayer right now.
This is so good! There is so much in this life that we just will never be able to understand and we have to be able to grieve and be honest with God. This is such a beautiful heartfelt post. Love this! ❤
Thank you. I spent a lot of years thinking it wasn’t ok to grieve. Until a friend told me God knows my heart and I can’t hide grief from Him, and He doesn’t want me to! Such freedom in knowing He loves me, and knows even what I don’t about me!